Ugh! J. Crew

I have a minor (okay, major) obsession with J.Crew. They’ve released their Spring catalog and I haven’t stopped drooling since: 

They were right - I do love them. How did they know?!

My only problem with J. Crew is that their products are generally obnoxiously expensive and woefully out of my price range. How cruel, right?! I mean, look at this shiz:

This freaking bag. How good would it look slung over my shoulder as I make my daily trek to the bus stop on my way to work? Heads would turn and my hair would blow seductivly in the wind as people would say to themselves, “Damn! Look at that fine, professional woman.” Breaths would be stolen by this sheek bag and people would want to be me, dammit. Alas, this is but a dream.

The cost: $288.00

Ugh! Where the hell did that number come from? Is that how many women committed suicide when they realized this bag would not sell for cheap? Because that’s what I feel like doing.

This shiny skirt. Look at it. Now try to look away. You can’t! This is the sexiest distraction I’ve ever seen. I think I’ll buy it. Oh, wait…

The cost: $695.00

Ugh! The audacity! What was involved in the construction of this skirt to make it so unattainable? Was it stitched by hand one sequin at a time by a monkey that took years to train? Did J. Crew have to travel forward in time to harvest a special kind of sequin not available in 2012? These are the only rational explanations! 

These glossy shoes. Shiny shiny shiny shoes of leather… Hey, that should be a song! These shoes are so shiny I feel like I could see the reflection of myself in them looking confident because I have these babies on my feet. Except I never will.

The cost: $228.00

Ugh! What does it all mean? Does the sheen last forever? Is it coated with some advanced technology that keeps the shoe from ever getting dirty? J. Crew, what are you hiding?!

Conclusion: As annoyed as I get, I could never really hate J.Crew. In fact, I think these over the top prices make the products seem even more flawless. They’re so crafty! Now, back to drooling over things I’ll never feel comfortable buying. 

-Brooke